I Miss Home

Six months. I was able to get by without my parents supervision, cooking and everything in a little over six months. I was okay during the first couple of months. No. I was okay, really okay the whole time but not since last week. Why the sudden change? I'm clueless. I just.. miss home.

My family is the clingy type. You'll see them everywhere in my life. My mom is very outspoken that even Facebook can't stop her. They love me. I know that. I love them with my 206 bones too. I miss my Mama's "Kumain ka na dyan" line every morning, my Papa's cooking and "I love you anak" that always touches my heart and my two bruha sisters. I miss the family gatherings where we just eat, sing, swim and make fun of each other. I miss Nanay and her monthly treat of pedicure and if I'm lucky even manicure. I miss Tita Nora and the Dunkin' Donuts that she brings us every freakin' week. I miss my cousins, titas and titos. I miss them so I want to cry and run back to the Philippines. NOW. I miss home.

I don't know what I ate and why I'm like this. I miss my bed and my 7 pillows. I miss our house where I can just lie on the floor anytime I want. I miss the "Ondoy" (desktop at home) and his monthly habit of getting a virus. I miss my friends. I miss my life in the Philippines. I miss home.

I am aware that this is some sort of a stage that everyone abroad goes through every once in a while. I also expect that one day I'll wake up and feel better. But let me just say that today, in this moment.. I'm not okay. I miss home.

I'm puzzled on what I can do to make myself feel better. I want to feel better so bad but I realized that I am looking for it in all the wrong places. Maybe I am feeling things just because of this longing to be home. Maybe everything that I thought I am feeling for every single person who comes near is wrong. Or not. What the hell? I don't care. What I'm sure of is that.. I miss home.

I hope this feeling goes away. Like hunger or thirst. I can divert my attention to something else like eye candies or good music.. But then, even if I enjoy looking at or listening to something, the feeling of longing will still be there.. Like when you hear something nice, after a while you'll remember that you're still thirsty. The longing will not go away.. and it becomes worse this time..

I need a hug. A hug that will make me feel like I am home. I don't care if I need to buy it or do a cartwheel just to get it.. I just really need a hug now..