MINUS 4588548585548854158485 GIRLFRIEND POINTS

So it was my boyfriend's birthday last Friday. I can remember clearly that last year I planned this surprise party for him together with a bunch of friends and got the "Sweetest Girlfriend Award" for being able to organize such. That was the very first time in my entire existence that I ever did something like that. This year however, I don't have anything for my boyfriend's birthday. All I did was to post the generic Happy Birthday greeting on his Facebook Wall. Yesterday, after his birthday I had the privilege to gaze at the starts and think. And in the stillness of the night I remembered last year's celebration. It made me cry a bit and miss him even more. I miss him everyday of my life but I miss him more today. I realized that I am being a lazy girlfriend and I don't want to be like that. Well my reason for not being able to give him a gift is because I am unemployed and I don't have the money to buy him something that he "deserve". I actually have this gift that I bought for him for Christmas that I wasn't able to give him because somebody needed something and she borrowed it from me so I thought, maybe I'll just give it to him next time, he doesn't need it that bad anyway. So yeah, until this day that gift is nowhere to be found. *eyeroll* Given the circumstances, I suppose it is still my responsibility to look for something that will make him feel special even if it is not expensive because after all, it is his special day. But you see, my boyfriend has become this anti-corny/cheesy things since he left for the states. It is actually one of the reasons why I am keeping this blog to myself because I don't him to see how head over heels corny/cheesy I am for him. Poor me. I decided not to do anything that might embarrass him in front of everybody because most of the time, the sweet non-expensive usually free gifts requires the giver to do something for the receiver in front of practically the whole world. And I decided not to do that. And now I am sad. I feel really bad for not going the extra mile for him. I mean, he means a lot to me and he's so special. I just thought he deserves nothing less so I don't want to do some mediocre moves that I know he won't like. I don't know. I don't think I impress him anymore and on his birthday, I didn't even tried. I guess I just feel bad about it. And I just miss him. So much.