Blessings (Laura Story)

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace.
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, prosperity.
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering.

All the while, You hear each spoken need.
Your love is too way too much to give us lesser things.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this night, are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear.
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near.
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love.
As if every promise from Your word is not enough.

All, the while, You hear each desperate plea.
And long that we'd have faith to believe.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this night, are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win;
We know that pain reminds this heart, that this is not, this is not our home.
It's not our home.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life;
Is a revealing of greater thirst that a world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights;
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Nanay

One day, I decided to keep my roaming mobile on my cabinet for me not to see the messages anymore because they are just so upsetting (just like a few seconds ago). It was kept there for about a month when I opened it last week and saw a message from my Nanay. She told me how much she misses me and how much she wish that I am back home for Christmas.

If you ask me, I miss Nanay more than anything in the Philippines. She always have this accepting warmth. Whatever I do she understands and tries to explain my side. And in the end if I come out wrong, she will nevertheless hug me and tell me that it's okay, she will love me just the same.

I remember the things that Nanay did for me. I remember her opening the door when I come home from a party at 3am. I remember her fetching me because it is too dangerous for me to walk home. I remember her giving me money during the time that I was unemployed and I did not know what to do with my life. I remember her not asking for anything, anything even if she knows that I am capable of giving her already. I remember her sobbing everytime one of us is sick or wronged

I may not be able to say this everyday but I have the best grandmother in the entire planet.

I love you Nanay!

Para Lang Alam Mo

Nakakataw lang. Na medyo nakakaiyak. Meron ba sa mga tao sa Pilipinas ang may alam kung pano tumira sa ibang bansa para magtrabaho? Wala. Hindi nila alam hanggang hindi sila yung nakaka-experience nito first hand. Hindi nila alam kung pano yung feeling. Hindi nila alam.

Inaamin ko guilty din ako dahil dati nung nasa Pilipinas ako may ilang tao akong jinudge dahil feeling ko nagbabago sila dahil nasa ibang bansa sila. Ganon yata talaga yung pakiramdam kapag nasa Pilipinas ka at hindi nakikita lahat ng hirap sa ibang bansa. Kapag nakikita mo lang yung masasayang tweets and wall posts ng taong malayo sa Pilipinas na pilit na inaaliw ang sarili kahit sa simple pagkain lang ng boy bawang, polvoron and chicharon.

Hindi alam ng mga tao sa Pilipinas kung pano nagkakanda pilipit pilipit ang dila namin sapagsasalita ng language na sobrang layo sa ginagamit ng mga pinoy. Hindi nila alam yung pakiramdam ng nasisigawan ng mga taong parang hindi ka kayang igalang dahil Pilipino ka or dahil alam nilang mas mababa ka kesa sa kanila. Hindi nila alam kung ganon kahirap maglaba at mamalantsa pagkagaling sa tabaho para may maisuot kinabukasan habang nagluluto ng pagkain. Wala silang clue kung gaano kahirap yung gusto mong pasayahin yung sarili mo pero iniisip mo na kesa ibili mo ng pansarili mong gamit yung sweldo mo, ipapadala mo na lang para kahit papano matuwa naman sila sayo. Yung kahit tipirin mo na yung pasko mo basta makapagbigay ka lang ng pang pasko nila.

Mahirap manumbat dahil wala naman akong tinutulong. Nagbibigay lang ako kung kelan ko gusto. Iniipon ko kasi yung pera ko. Kasi alam ko pag-uwi ko may mga maniningil sa akin ng mga utang na hindi ko na alam kung bat lumaki ng ganon. Ayoko lang na pag-uwi ko may marinig ako na gaking ako sa abroad pero wala akong pera. Which I will probably hear anyways. Kasi nga wala namang matitira sa akin. Hindi ko pa sinusweldo may ponaglalaanan na agad. Wala na agad sa kamay ko.

Sabi ko ayoko na dito. Sabi ko pag-uwi ko hahanap ako ng mas magandang lugar. Na stepping stone ko lang to. Pero bat ganon? Pagdating ko sa Pilipinas feeling ko back to zero ako. Ipangbabayad ko lang sa utang lahat ng pera kong maiipon tapos hindi ko manlang matutulungan yung sarili kong magsimula.

Ang sama ng loob ko. Pero wala naman akong magagawa. Ganon eh. Ginawa ko lang to, para lang alam mo. Para lang maalala mo. Para naman hindi ko lang to kinikimkim dito.