So I sit here listening to the Eraserheads mix that I found while looking for the remote control. It feels so good, I think of them as the Philippines own version of The Epic Beatles. I picture them playing on their last ever concert. It must have been surreal to see them play for the last time. Like all good things, they had their expiry date and everyone seemed to understand them for doing that. But once “Fruitcake” played, it’s a whole new different scenario that I am seeing. I remember a bus ride where I was able to see the concert for the first time through a pirated DVD, thanks to the cool Manong Kundoktor. It was one of the most memorable bus rides that I’ve ever been to. I remember that we were supposed to ride the MRT but decided to go along EDSA through this cool bus because of the music.

My story is just like this bus ride. I’ve got everything figured out, I know where I am heading and have calculated the time when I’m supposed to arrive to the destination but then something unexpected happens and then BOOM. All of a sudden my plans adjust; my phase slows down and my focus, forgotten. It also always ends with the reality that the unexpected something goes away after a couple of fun jiffies and I am left alone to start things over, figure things out.

I often ask myself why I get easily distracted. I don’t really know. I just have this heart that keeps on hoping that humanity has this goodness that if I try harder to look for it, I will find it and be happy for the rest of my life. Today I think that expectation from humanity is stupid but who knows? I might change my mind tomorrow and risk everything for something that could be not existent again.

I might look like someone who’s got everything figured out before but now I know I am way past that stage. I’m just like everybody else. I’m lost and it’s crazy to be lost. Just saying.

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